I have come a long way! I can honestly say that I’m a big girl now. Never in my life have I been as confident as I am right now. It’s a feeling I’ve never enjoyed before and I absolutely treasure it. So, in celebration of my resolve to come out of my shell, I decided to do something that I’ve dreamed about doing for a long time—modeling! I saw a Facebook post about auditions for an upcoming show and I just had to do it.  I couldn’t miss that audition. This is a huge deal for me—evolving from a shy girl who didn’t realize the strength of her voice, who thought she was not very attractive at all to becoming this much more self-assured woman who’s determined to live a fulfilled life.

See, this is what this post was SUPPOSED to be about. It was going to be a celebration of my decision to start living outside of my comfort zone and live life on my own terms.  I was going to include all sorts of exclamations and hash tags about how good it feels to nurture my own interests and to finally do what’s necessary to realize my dreams. No, it’s not about that. This post is really about a picture. Yep, one picture that rained on my parade.

After getting the call confirming that I had been selected for the fashion show, I was on cloud nine. It’s all that I have been talking about. I’m sure that my family and friends are pretty tired of hearing about “the show”. We had our first rehearsal last Sunday. I was a little nervous, but I was quickly put at ease once I realized that I was among a group of very positive and supportive women. We went through a few walking exercises and I felt that I did pretty well (especially for a newbie). By the end of rehearsal, I was hyped and absolutely looking forward to our next session.  Before saying our goodbyes, I asked for a group picture because I definitely wanted to write about my awesome experience and have a visual to go along with my post.

After getting home, I settled in, and was ready to load the group picture into my photo gallery.  Well, I had not looked at the picture beforehand. When I did..my..jaw..dropped.  I felt completely deflatedL.  What I was seeing in this picture is not the way I “thought” that I looked.  I felt that I looked huge and awkward. Well, give that little monster called self-doubt an inch and he will take a mile. That’s exactly what happened. I started to wonder…well…if I didn’t LOOK the way that I thought I had maybe I didn’t perform as well as I was thinking.  Am I really ready for this? Am I fooling myself? I was crushed. Sometimes that’s all that it takes, one little “thing”, one little setback, to steal your joy.

I was certainly in need of a pep talk from the girls. At work the next day I had to tell them about “the picture”.  Was it really as bad as I thought?  Well, my girls, being the authentic women that they are J agreed that it wasn’t my best shot (gotta love a girlfriend who tells you what’s real and not what you want to hear in the moment). However, they certainly didn’t see it as the tragedy that it had become in my mind.  The conversation quickly moved from the picture to their concern with me doubting myself over something so small.  The encouragement that I received was priceless, but I knew that I had to come to terms with this on my own.  I should not have been so easy for my confidence to be crushed.

After getting settled in at home that night, I decided that I needed to take a look in the mirror (literally and figuratively).  I took the time to look at my physical self and meditated on those beautiful qualities that I have earned as a woman who is strong and resilient and determined.  How could I allow this great era in my life to be railroaded by that little monster called self-doubt? The answer…I can’t allow that to happen.  Here’s where I am now—I am resolved to live in this moment, to bask in all things POSITIVE that are occurring in my life. There is no question that I can do this and I will.  Yes, it’s time to rip that runway!

All of us deal with situations in which we’re not as secure as we should be. What do you do to win back your confidence? I look forward to reading your responses!

SIDE NOTE: Though I didn’t like the way that I looked in the photo, I think the other ladies are absolutely gorge’!  I had to post this pic! Aren’t they giving the camera all kinds of FIERCE??  I love it!